My World

I was trying to think of a good blog to write about for my assignment. As I was asking my husband, I looked down at my daughter sitting on his lap and realized that I had my topic. My daughter is my world, she makes my life light up knowing that she is always going to be there smiling at me. To me she is the most beautiful thing in my eyes.

I was never like this though, to be quite honest I never wanted to have kids, I never wanted to get married, and I definitely didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom. But here I am doing all those things. What changed this? Well, a miracle is what happened. When I met my husband I was working at Bob Evans, I lived with a roommate and found myself going down a road that I knew what not a good road for me. I was depressed, and had no intentions of finding a way out of my rut that I was in. After doing the math it had seemed that I had ended up pregnant just a week into knowing him. But we didn't know, we had no idea. 

Then, after living with my husband for a few months, we found out that I was pregnant. That is a day that I will never forget, it is one of those memories that is burned into my memory, and will always be. I just knew that there was something wrong, so of course as every girl will do when they miss a period, they take a test. I took the test alone, I didn't want to tell my boyfriend, we had only been together for such a short time. 

After I saw that word, "Positive," I kind of lost it, I cried and cried in the bathroom alone trying to muffle my sounds so my boyfriend wouldn't hear me. After a while I decided to tell him, surely he was going to flip out right? Wrong. He was beyond supportive, and he was only 17! A 17 year old, telling me that he would be there for me and support me along the way. He was my rock, even to this day he is still my rock. After telling his parents, we decided to keep the baby. In turn I quit smoking cigarettes, quit smoking weed, and took myself off my antidepressants and anxiety medicine. 

10 months is such a long time it seems when you're waiting to meet someone new that you have already become so close too. It's amazing having someone grow inside you, knowing that you are creating another human being. I wasn't thrilled for the first few months, but then I began to feel her move and kick. It was almost as if someone hit my light switch, I began to love this little human being growing inside me, I just knew that I was going to love this baby and make sure that it had the best life that it could possibly have and that I was going to be the best mother ever to this little one.

9 months and 3 weeks later, it was time. Time to have this sweet little baby girl. I arrived at the hospital at 8 pm to be induced, it went by pretty slow and there was only slightly painful contractions. Then the next morning my doctor comes in to break my water at 6. After she broke my water, that's when things really got started. I have never felt such horrible pain in my entire life. I was trying my best to do things natural, which was not a good idea at all. Screaming over and over, "Please just stop the pain, I can't do it anymore, I just want to die." I caved and received the epidural. Fell asleep, and woke up a few hours later to start pushing. After pushing for 30 minutes, my beautiful little girl finally arrived at 12:16 pm. She was covered in blood and so wrinkly and pale. But so incredibly beautiful. 

I spent hours staring at this wonderful little human being, even now to this day I find myself just staring at her thinking that she is just the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She has changed my life, for the better, and she has made my life worth living. She is my everything, I love being able to watch her grow and blossom into this beautiful little flower each and every day. Learning new things, copying everything that me and my husband do, and teaching us new things along the way. She has made me a new and better person. For that, I will always be thankful for finally finding my muse in life, to finally finding my little best friend, and finally showing me that she will always be my light.

She is my light, my life, my world..........my daughter. I love you Izabella Genelle Louize Lehmkuhl. Forever.